I have been stretching my neck in front of my Aspire 4310 notebook for six hours. It is already 2 o’clock in the morning but sleeping is a myth. Why? I do not know what to read and write. I am working on my new article called “I’m breaking down”. But I kept on erasing all the lame words I have typed. Ideas were not flowing as usual. For years I have been trying to gain my word power in writing, but all the hard work all these years were useless. I am beginning to feel fed up.
“Yeah, I’m bored, too bored man!!!” I got up from the chair and went to my personal dressing mirror the size of a human. “I have not polished the mirror lately, it looks a little smudgy.” I looked into my self in the mirror. From head to toe, I scanned trough. “I’m physically fine and ready” said to myself. But what is wrong with me? What is making me bored?
I became mad because of the boredom I am in. I was in anger, pure rage. Two am in the morning became the eye-witness of the climax of my boredom. Why am I bored? I asked myself one more time. “Arghh!!!” I shouted. Out of nowhere my hand came dashing towards the mirror, smashing my RM50 mirror into hundreds of pieces; small pointy pieces went scattering all over the floor. My hand was bleeding. I looked into the smashed mirror once more. Miraculously, one piece survived my fatal punch; the piece still remains on the wooden board. I could see half of my face in it. I ignored my bleeding hand. I witnessed something unique just now.
“I was born with a clean heart - a heart, clean as a brand new mirror-. I can see my shiny reflection in it. But as time flies, the clean shiny mirror became smudgy. The reflection is dimmed, not as shiny as before. This is my heart, because of not polishing my heart; a new black layer seals it. It becomes dark, darker than night, as dark as the darkness of ignorance (Jahilyyah). Soon, the dark layer rots, it will rot along with my heart. It rots as if a powerful hit smashes a mirror into million pieces. I felt like there’s no hope of seeking ALLAH’s redha. But I’m wrong, the small piece remaining means that ALLAH accepts anyone no matter how grave his sin is.”
My fingers went dancing on the keyboard typing a miracle on Microsoft Word. But I realized that something was missing. I remembered a scientist, known by the name of Pak Arbi, once said to me:
“Once you have fallen to the ground, it is difficult to stand up again. A smashed mirror is very hard to be put back again. If you manage to glue the entire piece, it is still not the same as a brand new mirror. This goes the same as your heart. Make sure you don’t fall. It takes all your strength to rise up again.”
Masyallah. This adds to the missing piece.
Because of my eagerness in typing, I did not feel the blood flowing from my hand at all!!! After I finished typing, I realize that my keyboard was full of dried blood. It was a bit difficult to type as red was all you see. I do not care, for I can easily wash it later. A little bit of blood is nothing compared to what Allah has taught me “Boredom is the sign of a half dead heart.” Why should I be bored when the world is there for me to explore!!!
I took a long look at my speedometer before slowing down; I was driving at 120 mph in a 90 zone. From a distance, I saw a police road-block. “Yeah, I’m going to get busted again” I murmured. It’s the fourth time in 8 months. How could a lecturer get caught so often?! I slowed down my car as the queue slowed down. A policeman wearing white gloves waved his hand. He asked me to pull over at the left side of the road. I waited there for a while; the cop was a bit busy. “Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard; maybe some other cars will tweak his backside making him forget about his ‘earlier prey’,” I made some false assumptions. Well, the cop didn’t forget. I could see him make his move towards me.
“Is that Ali? I can’t believe it is him? Ali is my neighbour, my friend and my companion. Ali is a much respected person. Although we have been exposed by the news that you can’t trust a cop because of they are involved in corruption, etc, but Ali was absolutely out of the fitnah. .” I told myself as I watched him approach me.
I sunk farther into my ‘security’ coat. This was worse than the coming ticket!! Shame was all over my body!! An obedient Muslim cop catching his closest friend on a road we never met before. This guy was scheduled to play cricket with me tomorrow. Looking at the side mirror I saw the man whom I meet every Friday, approached me, getting closer to me each and every step he took. I he’d never seen him in uniform before. “This is the result of being too anxious of getting home after a long day at the office; I didn’t even remember ALLAH along the way” I blamed myself.
“Assalamualaikum akhi, fancy meeting you like this.” I started the conversation with a shiver.
“Waalaikumssalaam, Ameen.” He replied with no smile.
“Guess you caught me red-handed in a rush to see my wife and kids.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Ali seemed uncertain. I didn’t know why he was like unsure of something. But that was a good opportunity not to get ticketed. Then he spoke:
“Have you ever pondered surah As-Sajdah verse: 12?? ALLAH has said:
“And if you only could see when the mujrimun shall hang their heads before their Lord (saying): Our Lord!! We have now seen and heard, so send us back (to the world), that we will do righteous good deeds, verily!! We now believe with certainty (Surah As-Sajdah verse 12). These men asked ALLAH to place them back on earth for the second chance in order for them to perform ibadah. But did ALLAH give them the second chance they requested? Do you understand what I’m saying, Ameen?”
I dropped my head down as if I am looking at the pebble on the pavement. Hugh…!! I wish I have never been born!!
“I know what you mean. Ok…ok…Alright already; put the blame on me.” My anger was starting to control me.
Oops! This was not going in the right direction, time to change tactics.
“What was my speed?”I asked softly while unfastening the seat-belt.
“At 125, you could kill somebody, would you sit back in your car, sir?” He was starting do get serious.
“Now wait a minute there, Ali. I checked as soon as I saw you. I was barely nudging 115.”My voice grew louder while getting out of the car. The lie did not seem to work.
“Please, Ameen, in the car, please.”
Frustrated, I hunched myself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, I stared at the dashboard. I was in no rush to open the window. The minutes ticked by. Ali scribbled away on the pad. Why hadn’t he asked for a driver’s license? Whatever the reason was, it would be a month before I ever sat near this cop again in the mosque.
Then, a tap on the door jerked my head to the right.
There was Ali, a folded paper in hand. I rolled down the window a mere two inches, giving Ali just enough room to pass me the slip.
“Thanks.” I could not quite keep the scorn out of my voice. Ali returned to his patrol-car without a word.
I watched his retreat in the mirror. Bye…bye!!
“Huh…” bursting air out of my mouth. I unfolded the sheet of paper. How much was this one going to cost? Wait a minute. What was this? Is this some kind of joke!? It is certainly not a ticket. I began to read:
Dear Ameen,
Once upon a time I had a daughter. She was six when killed by a car. The same tragedy took my mother away. Guess who did it? A speeding driver!!! He was only fined and given three months jail, but the man was freed. Free to hug his three daughters and his mother! But I only had one daughter, and my mother is irreplaceable!! I have to wait till heaven before I can ever hug them again. It’s hard you know. It’s hard to leave someone you love. Thousand times I’ve tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had. Maybe I had, but I need to do it again.
Until now, pray for me. And be careful. My son is all I have left.
Ali
“Masyallah…!! You have a very soft heart Ali!!”
My eyes were brimming with tears, and then I cried, I cried deeply. It has been a while since I haven’t felt this way. My heart has hardened. I said to myself “If ALLAH took my life just now when I forgot all about HIM, will HE accept me? Will I enter JANNAH? What about my family? Will my wife and kids pray for me to enter JANNAH?”
I twisted around to see Ali’s car. No sign of his car anywhere. “May ALLAH bless your life Ali” I whispered. I pulled away and drove slowly home.
When I got home and unlocked the door, my wife gave me a strange look.“Maybe she saw my eye-bags” I said to myself. “What…” I hugged her before she could finish her words. It was a deep hug. Again, my tears went overflowing. But when I held close my son, I cried even greater.
“Life is precious. It is a gift from ALLAH; don’t take it for granted. Handle it with care”.
Recite and ponder on the meanings of Al-Quran. Well, the secret is hidden in it. Understanding it makes our hearts soft. Digging up optimum benefit, you have to remind yourself that ALLAH is always speaking to you. People are described in different categories in the Al-Quran; ponder of which one you find yourself in. 2) REALIZE HIS GREATNESS
Realize the greatness of Allah. Everything is under His control. There are signs in everything we see that points us to His greatness. Everything happens according to His permission. Allah keeps track and looks after everything, even a black ant on a black rock in a dark moonless night.
3) GAIN KNOWLEDGE
Make an effort to gain knowledge, for at least the basic things in daily life e.g. how to make Ablution properly. Know the meanings behind Allah’s names and attributes. People who acquired TAQWA are those who have knowledge. 4) ATTEND ISLAMIC GATHERINGS
Attend gatherings where Allah is not only remembered but glorified. In such gathering we are surrounded by angels who continuously pray for us.
5) BOOST UP GOOD DEEDS
We have to intensify our good deeds. One good deed leads to another good deed. Allah will make the way easy for someone who gives charity. Allah will also make it easy for him or her to do good deeds. Good deeds must be done continuously, not occasionally. 6) REMEMBER DEATH
We must fear the possible miserable end to our lives; the remembrance of death is the destroyer of pleasures.
7) REMEMBER YOUR FINAL STOP
Remember our position when we are at ‘The field of ‘Masyhar’, when we are judged. We will be either in paradise or in hell. Remember that there is no in-between. It is either hell or paradise. So, if we do not get paradise, we will get hell.
MAKE DUA
Make Dua. Realize that we need Allah. Be humble. Don’t crave material things in this life. Dua is our weapon against God’s Satan the destroyer.
9) ACTION SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
Our love for Subhana Wa Tuala must be shown in actions. We must hope Allah will accept our prayers, and be in constant fear that we do wrong. At night before going to sleep, we must think about what good we have done during the day. 10) BEWARE OF SINS AND DISOBEDIENCE
Realize the effects of sins and disobedience- one’s Iman is increased with good deeds and our Iman is decreased by bad deeds. Everything that happens is because Allah wanted it. When calamity befalls us- it is also from Allah. It is a direct result of our disobedience to Allah. Aisha, the wife of Allah’s Prophet (May peace be upon him), reported Allah’s prophet (May peace be upon him) said:
“Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it is added to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective.”
Last night I was lying on my bed. It was about 11.58 p.m.It was almost midnight but to doze off was almost impossible for me, even though I had been in vigil all day long. There was something wrong going on. Knowing not to do anything, I switched on the television to watch a news called DEADLINE on Tv3. Masyallah!! I was shocked to see what was on air.
It was two minutes till 2009!! People gathered at Dataran Merdeka. Every one of them with their made up happy faces, celebrated New Year as if there was no tomorrow for them. When it was 10 seconds to midnight, the count began “10, 9…3, 2, 1 Happy New Year!!” they screamed. Fireworks ruled the sky with their roaring sound of explosion and striking coloured sparks. It was a very grand celebration last night. “Those who didn’t witness this celebration miss a lot” they thought.
On the other side of the world, in the Middle East, what is happening to our brothers and sisters?? What state are they in now?? Are they enjoying their happy life there?? No…!! They are like sitting ducks ready to be shot!! Their lives are at stake!! Buildings are turned to dusts at flicks of seconds!! Bullets hit not only women and children but our sinless baby brothers and sisters!!
This is the moment for us to look at ourselves and ask ourselves DO WE CARE ABOUT OTHER MUSLIMS?! Do we feel anything for them?? Place ourselves in their position!! If we are in their situation, what will we feel when others in Muslim countries are celebrating New Year??
I’m not saying that it is wrong to celebrate, but we are Muslims and every Muslim is related to other Muslims.
“إنما المؤمنون إخوة فأصلحوا بين أخويكم”
We are like same cells connected together, when our brothers are hurt, we feel the pain. If we say we love our brothers, prove it!! Let the world witness the bonds of love amongst Muslims in the entire universe!!
Let us ponder what ALLAH said in Surah Al-Asr:
1.“By Al-‘Asr (the time)
2. Verily, man is in loss,
3. Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and exhort one another to the truth [i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-ma’ruf) which ALLAH has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar) which ALLAH has forbidden], and exhort one another to endurance (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in ALLAH’s Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism)
While time lasts for us, let us make a difference in our life for all Malaysia in Malaysia and in the universe in general. Let us make our best shot!! May ALLAH be with us…
When I woke up from my slumber, I saw you leaving… “Where are you going?” I asked, puzzled. “I’m going far” you replied short, as you opened the unlocked door. “Wait!! I have so much to explore!!” I cried as you were exiting the house. “No…No…Don’t go” I begged. Before closing the door, you gave me a smile…Then you left…
I got up and rushed towards the door, “It’s locked!!” I couldn’t open it because ‘The key is with you’ … There’s nothing I can do… Only prayers that will become true…
If you’re reading this Abang Ali Irfan, or Abang Amru Irfan, this is what I felt when I was form 2 in MATRI. I’m not bluffing or making fiction short stories, it is written in my heart once you left MATRI after form 5.
Year 2002 became the proof of the finest moments in my life. That was the year ALLAH granted me the best seniors in the world that is my seniors of SPM 2002. I desire spending my time at MATRI rather that at home, due to the wonders of Islam shown by my seniors. I was amazed.
Two most influential individuals in my life that time was, Abang Amru Irfan and Abang Ali Irfan (they are not twins, but a hidden secret lies between the similarities of their names, ask them to know). I tried to facsimile the same style as theirs, the way they walk, the way they talk. “I want to be like them” I always said to myself. Although I didn’t actually be like them but I managed to seek my own personality.
Time runs fast, I was in form 2 in 2003, everything has changed. All the best moments of 2002 dried out, gone into thin air; it was just recorded in my life diary. I remembered when I was form 1; every time I stepped in the Musolla MATRI, I will search spots where you guys are sitting. But I realized you guys have left this school, left to explore the world yet to be. So there I sat alone, alone in my world, only my closest buddies were there for me. Hand in hand, we tried to value the significance of life.
For years my strife goes on, until now where I’m standing. I knew why you guys left, at the time I still needed your assistance. You guys trained me to be strong, and independent. You guys taught me that this life will never be ideal and cheerful as the life I’ve been through. My life forward is not a saint life, it will never be.
Now, I’m beginning to stand where you guys once stood. I’m now doing what you guys once did. And now I will make a difference in this world. I am now the cure for my sick ones; a light for the dark, and a brother to my juniors.
For the time being, I managed to formulate my own key that once showed by you. With this key in heart, no doors will be unlocked for me.
The moments with you guys, is a blessing in disguise. It looked like nothing, but it is the evidence of our Ukhuwah together. These are notes written in my heart. For my brothers, I love you guys, for the sake of ALLAH. May ALLAH bless your life here after.
I want to share a wonderful nasyeed sang by Dawud Wharnsby Ali in a MUSLIM convention, MUSLIM FEST… It was a live performance by him… May ALLAH bless his effort in guiding mislead people in this world…
I woke up with a pain on my neck and a sore on my back. I could hardly turn my neck and move my aching body. I strained to look at my P990i Sony Ericson cell phone on the table. It was already 6.50 am, Oh ALLAH!! I must have overslept. “It looks like today is not my day” I murmured.
As fast as lightning, I ran downstairs to the toilet but only to find it occupied. I could hear my siblings reciting Al-Quran; this meant they had already finished performing Subuh prayer. “I’m very late” I said. Impatiently, I waited for another 5 minutes before my youngest brother appeared. I dashed into the bathroom to do whatever was needed.My Goodness, the water was freezing cold! Those who had their shower before me must have over-used the water heater, making me wait for another 5 minutes in order to use it. “I can’t wait! I’m late!” So I had no choice but to have a quick cold bath.
After washing up I felt more alive. I returned to my room and got dressed for school. It seemed such a long time to get dressed when I had to hurry. I performed Solah and rushed downstairs to the kitchen to grab something to eat.
I was terror-stricken for a minute to see what was left on the table.My watery mouth dried out as there was nothing but cold coffee and bread crumbs left. My greedy brothers had eaten everything. My mother told me that it served me right for getting up late. I sighed deeply and ran out of the house. I mounted on my bicycle and moved 5 meters before I realized that I left my school bag. I dismounted and hurried upstairs to get it. I moved another 5 meters after remounting the bicycle before I realized I had a flat tyre.
It was so infuriating. It was a total screw up. I wanted to scream to death. My neck hurt, my back felt sore, I took a cold shower, had no breakfast and then my tyre was flat. But I calmed myself; I got down, and pushed the bicycle to a shop 500 meters away.
When I reached the shop, I was astonished to see that it was closed. What was I thinking? It was seven thirty. I was so late for school but was too early for the shop to open. So I left the bicycle in front of the shop, praying that they would know that it was my bicycle.
I walked to the bus stand a stone’s throw from there and waited. I tried to recite some versus from the Al-Quran as I forgot to do it this morning. The bus came at eight. I was really late for school.
When I finally arrived at school, classes were in full session. In fact even the first period was over. The headmaster caught me for coming late and gave me an unbearable scolding, but I was in no mood to argue. I just wanted to go to class.
I entered class when the additional mathematics teacher was there. I received another scolding for being late. Five minutes later I received yet another, for forgetting to bring my scientific calculator. How might it be possible to take an additional mathematics test when I had no calculator in hand?! I was neither Einstein nor Ibnu Sina. I couldn’t do this on my own – I mean without using a calculator. So I spent the whole period trying to hide my tears.
The rest of the day was a big mess. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt that I sort of went through each and every period of class half aware of the otehrs. My eyes were on the teacher but I didn’t know which planet I was on. When the bell rang, automatically my thoughts returned conscious again. Only one thing I remembered, home sweet home.
I was so glad to be back home walking. All my money for that day went into my stomach. So I had no money to buy for the bus fee. I thought everything would end up happily ever after but I was wrong. It hadn’t ended yet.
After lunch I wanted to take a nap but I couldn’t shut my eyes. My neck was killing me. So I tossed and turned, I thought that it would make me better but the pain grew even worse. Finally I gave up and went to the garden to relax.
Evening past and but I didn’t even bother to go and play. I just wanted to have dinner and go to bed.
Isya’ came and we – my siblings and me prayed together. After what seemed to be a long wait, my sister told me dinner was ready. I had a quick dinner as I lost my appetite. After dinner, I rested a while, had a shower and went to bed.
Hours past but my eyes didn’t want to close. It was already midnight. The darkness of the night accompanied me. Only dimmed light from the table lamp could be seen. Suddenly, I felt something strange inside me. There was a physical change in my body. My heart was pumping hard. Then my eyes were brimming with tears and it went streaming through my cheeks.
“Today I’ve become a spoilt brat. I forgot about my CREATOR. HE has done everything to me for a good reason. Every hardship I’ve been through today is simply to teach me.”ALLAH didn’t promise that this life would be easy, but HE promises to go with you in every step of your life. You should go anywhere with HIM by your side. “Today is all about teaching me the true meaning of life I’ll face when the time comes. But I failed!! I failed to train myself as a humble servant!! I failed to follow HIS decree!! I failed in every test He gave me today.” “This is nothing compared to what my Palestinian brothers are facing. I am a failure!! Useless!! Our prophet has said that “By remembering ALLAH, our hearts will remain calm.” I didn’t feel calm because I didn’t remember Allah purposely!!” “ I did not attempt hard enough to remember Allah today, I did nothing!!”
I jumped out of bed, took my ablution, and I pleaded for ALLAH’s forgiveness. The pain in my neck was suddenly gone. It suddenly disappeared into the thin air. Nothing is more important than the blessings from AR-RAHIM.
I woke up at 5 o’clock in the morning; I realized that I slept during the last prostration last night. My heart was glimmering with happiness. I have never felt this way before. Glory is to ALLAH. He has given me Skeena and He embraced me. Yesterday has been a hard day when everything went wrong but ALLAH has taught me that it is a day full of Skeena.
MAKE DUA
